An Inside Look at Bipolar Disorder

May is Mental Awareness month and the Monmouth County Library's Eastern Branch in Shrewsbury is doing its part to raise awareness and promote ways to find help.

This week, the library hosted author Wendy Williamson, who chronicled her struggles with bipolar disorder in the memoir I’m Not Crazy, Just Bipolar.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), bipolar disorder affects over 10 million Americans. The World Health Organization (WHO) reports that bipolar disorder is the sixth leading cause of disability in the world, and only 30-60 percent of people with mental illness are receiving treatment. 

Most shocking of all the statistics is that, according to the National Institute of Mental Health, 1 in 5 people with bipolar disorder commit suicide.

Bipolar disorder is characterized by extreme shifts in mood, typically called “manic” or “depressed” episodes. 

During mania, a person may experience elevated or irritated moods, a decreased need for sleep, extreme spending habits, high self confidence and lofty goals, racing thoughts and rapid speech.

During an episode of depression, people battle extreme sadness, a feeling of hopelessness, worrying, fatigue, changes in eating patterns and suicidal thoughts.

Author Wendy Williamson has experienced all of these symptoms throughout her 17-year battle with bipolar disorder. She first received her diagnosis as a senior in college at Virginia Tech, and after that, her life has never been the same.

The book offers the reader a glance inside one person’s lifelong battle with the serious and often debilitating disease. It is an honest portrayal of the daily struggles that Wendy faced and continues to face in her day to day life.

“There are many memoirs out there about living with bipolar disorder,” Williamson said. “They each have their own handprint, and I wanted mine to be from the ‘girl next door’ to show that it can really happen to anyone.”

Williamson felt compelled to write her story after her search to find a “regular person” to relate to after her diagnosis proved difficult. 

“My psychologist handed me a book,” she laughed. “And I was like, ‘Ok, what am I supposed to get out of this? There wasn’t anyone I could relate to.”

Disclosing so many intimate secrets about her life wasn’t easy for Williamson, and she considered writing under a pen name, but realized that she couldn’t help anyone if she was hiding her identity.

“It was a hard decision,” Williamson said. “But in the end, I thought it was more important to be able to help people with my story.”

Williamson’s struggle with depression was a long, severe road that felt never-ending.

“I couldn’t find a way out of it, no matter how hard the doctors tried, no matter how hard I tried.”

Journal entries from that time in her life paint a bleak portrait, but also describe in raw detail what it is like to be at rock bottom and unable to climb up. To illustrate the extreme sadness she was feeling during that time, Williamson read an excerpt from those journal entries, which are included in the book.

“I don’t feel love inside me. I don’t feel love coming back. I don’t feel anything. It feels like my heart has turned to rock. I don’t care about anything.”

A bleak, picture, yes, but that is not why Williamson wanted to write the book.

“I wanted to show people that there is hope, that you can manage bipolar disorder and live the life you want.”

Williamson participated in electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), a controversial procedure where electric currents are passed through the brain. 

“I do believe that ECT saved my life,” Williamson said, adding that she knew the treatment was scary, but wanted to do it for her family.

It has been 9 years since Williamson had an episode, and she hopes that encourages people to be optimistic when facing bipolar disorder.

She ended the presentation by giving some tips for wellness that anyone suffering from bipolar disorder should try.

“Find the medicine combination that works for you and be consistent, get plenty of sleep, do what makes you happy, meditate and find the best professionals you can afford.”

Copies of I’m Not Crazy, Just Bipolar are available at http://www.wendykwilliamson.com and amazon.com.